Post by Galestar on Jun 5, 2012 21:48:43 GMT -5
As some of you know or some of you may not know, I was going out with this guy named Austin for a year and three months exactly ( February 19th 2011 - May 19th 2012 ) and he broke up the day after our 1 year and 3 months. I feel terrible because I know it's mostly my fault. I was the one who used to have the anger problems, so he got pushed away and he left and now he has another girl.
But then I'm so mad at him at the same time, because right before he broke up with me he was lying to me calling me baby and kissing me and saying it was going to be ok. He said he saw that I was changing and that he loved me more and we'd work out. He told me the day before we broke up that we would get married and move in with eachother and have four children just like we always said we would. He spent months promising me EVERYTHING and I let myself believe it.
But it's like, I saw him the day we broke up. He got off from work, picked me up, and he got me subway. He brought me back to my house, kissed me, said he loved me, smiled and tickled me then went back to work. When he got there, he got on facebook and we were planning a day long date. Ten minutes after making plans, I said "I hope this works. I'd do anything to get us closer again."
Then what does he say. "You'd do anything? Well, then don't be sad because you know I hate that. But we're over."
WHAT?
"I was just saying all of those things because I didn't want to hurt you, but I can't lie anymore. I'm completely out of love and I just don't want you."
And I can't say I don't miss him. Because I do. But I'm mad at him. And then he finally got the nerve to tell me that my life isn't that bad and that I make him mad, and that I'm ungrateful and selfish. But, I've been depressed almost my whole life. But he says I'm selfish.
A few days later, he tells me he liked the girl that I was suspicious of him cheating on me with and she liked him back. They are now going out (in secret, because her parents don't approve of their 15 year old daughter dating an 18 year old graduate). I felt hurt, yeah. Part of me thinks he left me for her. But then I know he couldn't stand my anger. By the time I changed my anger problems it was just too late.
I miss him, though. I miss him a lot. I have a new boyfriend, Sean, and he's so sweet and cute and gives good hugs and makes me smile. But, that just doesn't change that I hurt and that I wish all of this never happened.
But I'm so mad at Austin. For lying to me, for bringing my hopes up, for getting another girl so soon and openly telling me that they've kissed and cuddled and a few other things. My heart feels broken. And he isn't even here to make it better like he always has. I don't even want to talk to him right now. We've tried being friends, but when I see him he ignores me.
Like at his graduation party, he ignored me. All of my friends ignored me except for Sean (who was just a friend then) who hugged me and told me I would be ok, and that he was there for me if I needed him, and told me he'd stay with me if nobody else would talk to me.
I'm so mad and so hurt. I even posted on facebook:
It's funny how the sound that comes out is "I promise" but the motion of the lips are "I'm lying.". It's funny how people can say "Forever and always" but then they can say "Good bye" just as easily. It's funny how people say they are there for you, but then suddenly walk away. It's funny how everything turns to nothing, and how always turns to never. It's funny how a kiss on the lips can so easily turn into a knife to the heart. But you want to know what's funnier than all of that? That I can do so much better than a liar ♥
But I feel like I can't do better. Because he used to be so good to me. He was everything a girl wanted. Give you kisses, respected you when you said no, would come over when you were sick and hug you and kiss you anyways. Bring over his clothes that you wanted to wear, always brought flowers and your favorite beef jerky and dr.pepper. Would come over to your house early in the morning just so you could wake up to him and he'd kiss you with your nasty morning breath and say you look beautiful. Call you everynight, fall asleep with you over skype because he doesn't wanna say good night. Take you out anywhere you want. Tell him you're craving something and he'd be at your door step with it! Watch chick flics with you without complaining, and tell you it was good and he enjoyed it with you when he really didn't. Hold your hand and cuddle with you. Kiss you in the rain. Wipe your tears away and hold you when you needed it.
And now, he's gone. He isn't coming back because he has her now. Yeah, I've learned my lesson but I hate him for lying. I hate him for making me fall in love with him then leaving me. I don't want to talk to him, but then he's all I want to talk to.
And I want to be with my boyfriend, but then I don't because I'm still in love. What do I do? I can't stand being alone, and I really like my boyfriend. I just can't stop hurting over Austin. What do I do? Has anyone else been in this situation before or any words of advice?
I kind of feel like I'm a broken glass vase being held together with that cheep school glue you find in walmart. I'm barely making it. I act happy but I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. I miss him, but I want him out of my life. I don't want anything to do with him.
And it doesn't help that everywhere I look reminds me of him. My room, my hall ways, my bathroom, my kitchen, my livingroom and all of the couches in it, my TV, my dogs and cats, my back yard, my front yard, the roads, my friend's houses, the movies, every single place to eat, every gas station, the skate center, the parks, the beach, the sun set, the rain, the sun, the moon, the stars, the phone, and all of my clothes I have. Just everything reminds me of him.
He left me with too many memories and I hate it.
I need some help. I know this is really long, and I applaud you for reading all of this. I'm just so upset with a lot on my mind. Sure, it's only been 2 weeks and I'm going to hurt. But I want the hurt to go away. I want to get over him.
But then I'm so mad at him at the same time, because right before he broke up with me he was lying to me calling me baby and kissing me and saying it was going to be ok. He said he saw that I was changing and that he loved me more and we'd work out. He told me the day before we broke up that we would get married and move in with eachother and have four children just like we always said we would. He spent months promising me EVERYTHING and I let myself believe it.
But it's like, I saw him the day we broke up. He got off from work, picked me up, and he got me subway. He brought me back to my house, kissed me, said he loved me, smiled and tickled me then went back to work. When he got there, he got on facebook and we were planning a day long date. Ten minutes after making plans, I said "I hope this works. I'd do anything to get us closer again."
Then what does he say. "You'd do anything? Well, then don't be sad because you know I hate that. But we're over."
WHAT?
"I was just saying all of those things because I didn't want to hurt you, but I can't lie anymore. I'm completely out of love and I just don't want you."
And I can't say I don't miss him. Because I do. But I'm mad at him. And then he finally got the nerve to tell me that my life isn't that bad and that I make him mad, and that I'm ungrateful and selfish. But, I've been depressed almost my whole life. But he says I'm selfish.
A few days later, he tells me he liked the girl that I was suspicious of him cheating on me with and she liked him back. They are now going out (in secret, because her parents don't approve of their 15 year old daughter dating an 18 year old graduate). I felt hurt, yeah. Part of me thinks he left me for her. But then I know he couldn't stand my anger. By the time I changed my anger problems it was just too late.
I miss him, though. I miss him a lot. I have a new boyfriend, Sean, and he's so sweet and cute and gives good hugs and makes me smile. But, that just doesn't change that I hurt and that I wish all of this never happened.
But I'm so mad at Austin. For lying to me, for bringing my hopes up, for getting another girl so soon and openly telling me that they've kissed and cuddled and a few other things. My heart feels broken. And he isn't even here to make it better like he always has. I don't even want to talk to him right now. We've tried being friends, but when I see him he ignores me.
Like at his graduation party, he ignored me. All of my friends ignored me except for Sean (who was just a friend then) who hugged me and told me I would be ok, and that he was there for me if I needed him, and told me he'd stay with me if nobody else would talk to me.
I'm so mad and so hurt. I even posted on facebook:
It's funny how the sound that comes out is "I promise" but the motion of the lips are "I'm lying.". It's funny how people can say "Forever and always" but then they can say "Good bye" just as easily. It's funny how people say they are there for you, but then suddenly walk away. It's funny how everything turns to nothing, and how always turns to never. It's funny how a kiss on the lips can so easily turn into a knife to the heart. But you want to know what's funnier than all of that? That I can do so much better than a liar ♥
But I feel like I can't do better. Because he used to be so good to me. He was everything a girl wanted. Give you kisses, respected you when you said no, would come over when you were sick and hug you and kiss you anyways. Bring over his clothes that you wanted to wear, always brought flowers and your favorite beef jerky and dr.pepper. Would come over to your house early in the morning just so you could wake up to him and he'd kiss you with your nasty morning breath and say you look beautiful. Call you everynight, fall asleep with you over skype because he doesn't wanna say good night. Take you out anywhere you want. Tell him you're craving something and he'd be at your door step with it! Watch chick flics with you without complaining, and tell you it was good and he enjoyed it with you when he really didn't. Hold your hand and cuddle with you. Kiss you in the rain. Wipe your tears away and hold you when you needed it.
And now, he's gone. He isn't coming back because he has her now. Yeah, I've learned my lesson but I hate him for lying. I hate him for making me fall in love with him then leaving me. I don't want to talk to him, but then he's all I want to talk to.
And I want to be with my boyfriend, but then I don't because I'm still in love. What do I do? I can't stand being alone, and I really like my boyfriend. I just can't stop hurting over Austin. What do I do? Has anyone else been in this situation before or any words of advice?
I kind of feel like I'm a broken glass vase being held together with that cheep school glue you find in walmart. I'm barely making it. I act happy but I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. I miss him, but I want him out of my life. I don't want anything to do with him.
And it doesn't help that everywhere I look reminds me of him. My room, my hall ways, my bathroom, my kitchen, my livingroom and all of the couches in it, my TV, my dogs and cats, my back yard, my front yard, the roads, my friend's houses, the movies, every single place to eat, every gas station, the skate center, the parks, the beach, the sun set, the rain, the sun, the moon, the stars, the phone, and all of my clothes I have. Just everything reminds me of him.
He left me with too many memories and I hate it.
I need some help. I know this is really long, and I applaud you for reading all of this. I'm just so upset with a lot on my mind. Sure, it's only been 2 weeks and I'm going to hurt. But I want the hurt to go away. I want to get over him.
